And in these families, the parents put their relationship before the kids.Another’s girlfriend eventually broke up with him after several years because he rarely made time to spend alone with her, instead expecting constant family time with his son.
When it comes to relationships, I’m fond of saying, But there are a few couples in my life who I look to as models of the kind of marriage I’d like one day. They are the dynamic centriforce around which the family’s life orbits. There is lots of research to suggest that a happy marriage is the cornerstone of well-adjusted kids. D., writes in her relationship guide, The Book of Love: “No matter how sacrilegious it sounds, you need to put your relationship before your children. If you’re not in a committed relationship, it is very easy to make your kids the prominent one in your life. Some of you might be thinking, "I'd love to start dating, but who would want to date someone with four children, a dog, and two parakeets? Don't automatically assume just because you have children, you're less desirable.There are plenty of people who like children and who want to date someone with children.Wasn’t I the same person who vowed to never date a man with a child? There are other men who are single, childless and worth getting to know. I was up for the challenge, and decided to give it shot.Alas, I admit, those were my exact words, but those words were also spoken by a much younger and not so much wiser version of myself. Obviously, there are several issues to deal with when someone has a child. Do you think you’ll get jealous when you have to share him, and can’t throw a tantrum because you’ll ‘look bad’ for being jealous of a child? trying to pacify the mother so his relationship with his child isn’t affected, and keeping his ‘woman’ comfortable.As the words tumbled from my mouth, all three gave me ‘the look’.I knew exactly what they were thinking, as I spoke about my newfound love interest, and him bussing the file that he had a kid.The most promising and successful scenario in dating someone with a child involves you knowing – with no doubts or hesitations – that you want kids.As long as you start with this crucial building block – wholeheartedly wanting to be a parent – you can get to know and date that new person, and the relationship may actually work out or even morph into the kind of union you’ve always wanted.If you are on the fence about wanting kids, forcing yourself into a pre-established family adds so many pressures, and it’s not necessarily worth the hassle unless you live somewhere where there are truly few to no other dating options.Do you have a significant part of your personality that is nurturing?