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In his stimulating paper, "Chatting Is Not Cheating," John Portmann defends online lust and characterizes about sex; he maintains that such talking is more similar to flirting than to having a sexual affair.

In reality, though, the issue of online cheating is more complex—especially when it concerns sexual activities involving actual interaction with other individuals.

Mallory Ortberg, aka Dear Prudence, is online weekly to chat live with readers. (Sign up below to get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week. We tried family therapy when she was a teen, and it was a waste.

: My stepdaughter has never forgiven me for marrying her father after her mother died over 20 years ago.

Being divorced for several years, I have tried my hand at online dating, experimenting with a number of different sites, and I know from experience that for someone new to the process, it can be rather intimidating and confusing.

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My life fell apart.” Sex addiction hurts partners in a way that no other addiction can, says Paula Hall, who has written a book on the subject.

“I could have dealt with a gambling addiction or alcoholism – anything but this,” Rachel confirms.

Like most partners, she initially didn’t buy into the concept of sex addiction (“it sounded like a pretty weak excuse for an affair”) and even when she did start to believe that her husband’s behaviour was compulsive, her friends didn’t (“they’d look at me in despair, asking since when had sexual desire became a monster that can’t be controlled”), leaving her feeling isolated.

Indeed, people consider cybersex to have a high degree of psychological reality—but many do not consider it to be consider it to be infidelity.

Many of them believe cybersex to be similar to pornography—an extension of fantasy that actually helps to keep them from physical affairs with other people.

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